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Sexuality in Conversation

How Dancers at the Strip Club Size Up Customers

“I was young when I started dancing. Back then, I viewed men as strong—the head of household,” Brandi, a former exotic dancer, shares. “Over the 12 years I danced, I gradually lost all respect for them.” As Brandi’s appraisal of men shifted with each lap dance, she began to view men not as human, but as walking, talking ATM machines. They became weak-minded, simple.

“Men became something to manipulate. The more I could get, the better. Many of them are married with children yet had no problem spending their family’s money for a quick peek at my tits.” Most wanted more, of course—to touch, grope, or even lick Brandi’s most intimate areas. “They had no problem emptying their wallets, dance after dance. And when that ran dry I would escort them to the ATM, where they took out as much cash as they could.”

After a decade of the same song and dance, Brandi admits it became easy to tease the prospect of sex for financial gain. So easy, that she began feeling sorry—not for the men, but for their wives. The very fact that these patrons were so willing to cheat in the champagne room thinking their wives would never find out irked her.

Some are more deviant in their desires than others. “There are the ones with real perverted predilections,” Brandi notes. “They want to be beaten with belts or wooden paddles to achieve orgasm. I even had a man who wore cloth diapers with diaper pins and wanted to nurse on my breasts.”

Hailey,* an exotic dancer for eight years in New York, has had similar experiences with male patrons. The most harrowing of which prompted her to quit the lucrative gig altogether. Hailey worked at classier clubs with affluent clientele. The men that came to her club were generally gaudy businessmen wooing clients. On an average night, Hailey would bring home several thousand dollars. “It was all for show,” she tells Playboy. “These men thought they could buy anything and anyone. They were pompous and arrogant, booking the champagne room for hours with several girls who charged $700 per hour.” In her experience, dancers were nothing but designer products men could purchase and exploit with their wealth. In turn, Hailey’s exposure to the moneyed tycoons revealed the fragility of the male ego, how the very act of tucking cash into a thong somehow translated to a power move to impress the room.
These men thought they could buy anything and anyone. They were pompous and arrogant, booking the champagne room for hours with several girls who charged 700 dollars per hour.
On her last night, Hailey was one of said women in the champagne room, which, on this evening, was filled to the brim with premium liquor and cocaine. “I was expected to participate in the party favors, but politely refused. It was not received well,” she recalls. “I was encouraged by staff to do whatever this patron wanted because he spent lots of money, and they didn't want to look bad.” After refusing to take the drugs a second time, he got physical. “I broke loose, left the room, got dressed and left the club. I had enough. It was over.” The very fact that a wealthy man’s perversions took precedence over Hailey’s safety solidified that stripping can be a lucrative career, but one where her own well-being comes second to a man’s sexual satisfaction. It’s easy to understand that for an exotic dancer, respect for the male gender is often afflicted, if not diminished entirely.

Generally speaking, dancers don’t believe a man’s intent is either innocent or sinister when visiting a strip club. When they visit in a group, they’re out to have fun. They may be part of a bachelor or birthday party. Maybe they’re celebrating a promotion. Men will generally use strip clubs for any type of celebration, dancers admit, which is fun and expected. Men who visit alone, however, are an entirely different animal. They often find themselves a “regular” girl and don’t deviate from her. “These men usually know the girl’s schedule ahead of time and show up for them specifically and that is something girls learn not to mess with,” Brandi shares. “This specific man and his money is for her, and it becomes territorial.”

This territorial nature is brought not by the patron, but by the dancer. “If a dancer has a regular and another girl tries to asks him for a dance, the claws come out,” she continues. “When a new girl comes into a club it’s easy for her to step on someone else’s toes.” Brandi herself once had a regular who spent wads of cash and discovered a new girl was trying to cut in. “My initial response was defensive in that if he gave her money, would he still be able to afford to give me money?” she recalls. So she made her move. “I told her that his money was spoken for and not to get in the middle.”
Surprisingly, she admits she’s never experienced jealousy from a regular when she spends time with someone else. “I have seen jealous boyfriends come into a club and be kicked out,” she admits. “Cardinal rule is you don’t bring boyfriends into the club you are working, it never goes well.”

Straight girls tend to frequent strip clubs for more fun and “silly” reasons, and are rarely a problem. They’re often curious or celebrating a bachelorette party. Gay women are a bit more respectful and attend with their partner. They enjoy watching their partner enjoy themselves. It’s a turn-on. “Most men have no respect for strippers,” Brandi admits. “A few understand it’s just a way of living at that time. Strippers are just the ‘party favors.’”

Carmen* danced for six years, choosing to perform at one single club to build clientele, where she too began to view men not as human, but as rolling waves of income. “My customers would bring me gifts like jewelry and fancy clothing and spa days,” she says. “It was fun for a while. I would boss him around, and he would do what I told him to do. One even took money out of his retirement to give to me. He had no backbone. I viewed him as weak and disgusting—too easy to manipulate. I did this until he was about broke.”

In an environment where sex (or the idea of sex) is for sale, and the ethics regarding these transactions are either blurred or tossed for profit, it’s understandable that exotic dancers may not possess the highest esteem for men. The men they’re regularly exposed to are after one thing, and it isn’t their mind. So she takes advantage of this power and exploits his perversions for all the money he’s willing to part with. Stripping is a business, after all, and it’s the dancer who pilots the transactions, not the men.

Need proof? Check your wallet the next morning.