Elusive and uncommon, the female condom is an almost mythical mode of contraception few have heard of and even fewer have used. The typical response to its mention is something like, “You mean a diaphragm?” or merely an expression of faint bemusement.
The fact that “the penis doesn’t need to be erect to use FC2” is an invaluable bonus. That’s because it’s a boner-killer.
The directions also state that since the condom can be inserted before sex, “you don’t need to interrupt foreplay to put on a condom.” That’s great, except with this involved, the last thing I wanted to do was partake in foreplay. Perhaps I’m in the minority here, but I want to feel sexy when I have sex and the commanding presence of the FC2 ensured I felt decidedly non-erotic. Also, the fact that “the penis doesn’t need to be erect to use FC2” is an invaluable bonus. That’s because it’s a boner-killer, at least aesthetically speaking. According to my sex partner, who would like to remain anonymous (usually the case with people who sleep with me): “It looks weird. It’s not a turn-on. To know your partner is having to shove that up her pussy just makes you soft.” He still managed to get hard, but I was so preoccupied with how uncomfortable it felt, I wasn’t paying much attention.
“It feels good, like a tube of warm Vaseline,” he reported after. “Then you start wondering, ‘Am I actually touching the end of this thing?” Midway-through sex I thought to myself, “This isn’t bad at all. I don’t even feel it!” Sex proceeded as usual. According to him, “Mid-thrust you can’t help but realize neither person knows what's happening and then you know that it’s gone missing and only for a split-second do you care. Once you’ve confirmed it’s somewhere deep inside her vagina, you realize that such a product is a worthless purchase.” That’s because after darting around the bed groping the sheets and myself muttering, “Where is it? Where is it?” I realized it had been pushed inside me, mashed up into a knot of flimsy ultrathin rubber. I had to use my fingers like tweezers to extract it, which was really a pleasure.
Maybe I didn’t use it correctly. Maybe the sex was too vigorous? Maybe I moved around too much? Maybe I would just ask someone else what they think because I really didn't want to attempt this all over again. But I didn't know anyone else who had used one. I still had two left in the packet, and if you can't share female condoms then what can you share?
Two of my female coworkers were willing to accept a gift that keeps on giving. One was excited. She said it would pose a great opportunity to text her new love interest for a booty call. She sent the text: "I have to write about using a female condom for work. Want to help?" Apparently, she still hasn't heard from him. The other said since she's in a serious relationship with a live-in boyfriend, she might as well give it try. That never happened, and I didn't want to keep asking. If there's one thing I learned from my own female condom experience, it's that I don't want to be a female condom pusher. So, go ahead, try it for yourself if you're so inclined. And please, think of me when things get awkward.
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