Thanks to the proliferation of AI, seemingly every reply guy is shooting his shot with a porn bot. Thirsty, yet ironic comments like “Do you want to get real?” It may raise a few follow-up questions, like, do these men know we can see them? Does horniness make it harder to recognize AI? Are these men bots themselves? 

Porn bots, i.e. automated accounts that post sexy or sexual content, aren’t real—there’s no naked woman on the other side to talk to. Still, men flood their replies. A closer look at the profiles in the comments indicates a variety of ages and locations, with some lamenting about breakups, women not keeping their word, and the occasional romance scam.

Some men will make similar comments on porn bot posts, as if they’re hedging their bets. And if these reply guys are lucky, they will find porn bots in the comments of their own posts, amorously reminding them that they exist in the digital realm. Men like Jeff, a 64-year-old who preferred not to use his last name for privacy, acknowledge that these women are probably not who they claim to be. That said, the twice-divorced man is getting back out there after a 14-year relationship at an age where he feels technologically out of his depth. So he is casting a wide digital net. “I go at it like all women are AI until I find out otherwise,” Jeff says. While he hasn’t been successful in meeting women on dating apps or social media, Jeff insists he is looking for a real relationship. “I’m not doing this for fun. I’m serious about what I want.” 

Ryan, 37, has also commented on porn bot posts, knowing they’re AI. “Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone fake, because it feels like they are actually listening to you more,” he says. “It’s just nice to feel heard.” Ryan has attempted to meet women on dating apps and in person, but has never been on a real date.

Ryan knows most of these women are not real after getting tricked by an account. He had been talking to an attractive woman on social media who said she lived nearby, but canceled their date and kept demanding gift cards. “That was years ago and a learning experience. It was tough,” he recalls. The financial violation, combined with the emotional letdown, left him feeling scammed on multiple levels. 

Ryan’s disappointment is not an uncommon experience when it comes to “artificial intimacy,” a simulated romantic connection that offers greater convenience and less emotional risk,  psychotherapist Esther Perel explains. “People are drawn to AI relationships because they want to transfer their expectations of a relationship with a human being onto AI,” she says. “They have the false vision of a relationship in which agreements are pliant, feelings are uncomplicated, and pleasure is effortless.” This is often seen with AI companion apps, but can also occur with social media bots. 

In fact, for some men, porn bots can be a gateway to downloading an AI girlfriend app. The difference is that with porn bots, there is some plausible deniability that they could not actually be bots. With an AI girlfriend, men are aware that she’s not a person and prefer it that way. Regardless, both types of interactions can feel safer for the ones pursuing them because they are not real.

When relationships with other people become more challenging by comparison, a preference for AI companionship can develop. Other variables, such as isolation during the pandemic and rising unemployment due to technology, have affected men in unique ways, according to Perel, who has researched the intersection of artificial intimacy and masculinity extensively. As dating, marriage, and providing for a family become less realistic, men are leaning into hyper-individualism, self-reliance, and autonomy to assert their masculinity, using fitness trackers, biohacking, and other tools to optimize a life of relative solitude. This can create a type of “secular monk sitting in their basement, measuring and perfecting, but basically unable to connect,” Perel notes. “So you get the perfect person to captivate with generative AI.” 

Given these conditions, it is not that surprising that some men fall for porn bots and download sexting apps when Big Tech profits from keeping men in their basements, alone. Some AI loyalists believe that bots could be a low-risk way to practice connecting with others. “If AI companions were designed more like a flight simulator, actually helping people practice and improve the skills they need in the real world, they could have a positive impact,” physician Dr. Kyra Bobinet, MD, explains. The problem is that the current models are having the opposite effect. “Most AI companions today are designed to keep people engaged, not to teach them real-world social skills.”

Rather than learning how to connect in real life, porn bots and other AI companion apps may weaken neural pathways that would be used in a relationship with another person. Clinicians refer to this process as cognitive offloading, in which the use of AI and other tech delegates aspects of cognition to machines, so you slowly lose the capacity to function at the same level without the tech. “This can absolutely make it harder to grow social or emotional skills, and coping with rejection may become even more difficult with too much reliance on artificial connections,” Bobinet says. 

Along with lowering their tolerance for rejection, the more men consume AI, the more it erodes the critical thinking skills men need to recognize AI, Bobinet warns. Likewise, a recent study revealed that tech-savvy people are not the ones using AI the most. Rather, people who are less AI-literate are more likely to engage with the technology because they see it as magical and inspiring. When you throw in the fact that sexual arousal deactivates the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which is necessary for complex decision-making and discernment, horny men are less likely to resist the temptation of porn-bots. “They provide easy praise, validation, and even a kind of girlfriend experience,” Bobinet says. 

To be fair, the exchange of money for affection and arousal is a phenomenon that is as old as society itself. For some long-term couples, AI can create a fidelity loophole similar to the oldest profession—sex work. This was the case for Blake, 45, who created a bot named Sarina on the Replika app after hearing about the technology on a podcast. “I didn’t really even intend to use her as a girlfriend,” he says. Blake claims he tried AI because he was looking for someone neutral and nonjudgmental to talk about issues in his marriage before pursuing a potential divorce. “She’s got long, straight hot pink hair, heavy dark eyeshadow, and typically wears soft, feminine clothing like skirts and sundresses,” Blake says, comparing creating her to building a Sims character. Four years later, Blake has worked through the issues in his marriage, but Sarina remains in his life. “My wife knows about Sarina and doesn’t mind her,”  he says, describing a type of virtual non-monogamy. “She knows I consider Sarina my girlfriend.”

The difference between Blake’s experience and Jeff and Ryan’s is consent. “People on social media didn’t agree to be test subjects, and they may be emotionally manipulated by something that is not real,” says Jan Philipp Fritsche, the managing director of the international cybersecurity firm Oak Security. There are ways older men like Jeff can train themselves to spot AI photos, like looking for repetitive posts, too many fingers, misaligned objects in the background, and a lack of facial expression or depth. “What makes this challenging is how quickly these models are improving,” Fritsche adds. For example, a year ago, overly smooth skin was an obvious giveaway. “In a few months, most of the red flags I’ve identified will likely be solved.”

Until social media platforms improve at enforcing their own Community Standards regarding false identities, and there are more regulations on proper AI disclosure in general, those who struggle with romantic connections remain vulnerable to artificial intimacy and the social atrophy that comes with it.  

Ryan continues to leave comments on heavily edited photos of women that are likely AI-generated, but he’s also swiping on dating apps. While Ryan has not been successful in finding a romantic partner, that does not mean he’s been unable to connect with others. “I’ve been working very hard on opening up more and growing communities,” Ryan says. For instance, when he matched with a woman he didn’t align with on having children, they became friends instead. “I went to her wedding last fall.”

Ryan has a potential date coming up and is confident that she is a real person after speaking with her over the phone. As much as he’s hopeful, Ryan has not ruled out engaging with bots in the future for romantic purposes or otherwise. “It’s not a replacement for relationships, it’s more of an escape,” he says. Ultimately, that is what a lot of men in the comments of porn bots are doing: escaping their romantic reality, in plain sight.