When you meet a woman, it’s pretty likely that she’s going to ask for your birth time. Maybe over drinks, maybe via text, maybe while you’re still deciding if this is a second-date situation. And when she does, you have about five seconds to not look like every other guy who stammers “uh, I don’t really believe in that stuff.”

For the uninitiated, she isn’t asking about your birth time because she’s prying into even the most minuscule details of your life. She’s trying to figure out your birth chart, or the placement of the planets and stars at the time of your birth, which informs everything from your zodiac sign to your astrological houses.

Here’s what you’re going to do instead of stammering: You’re going to already know your Venus and Mars signs. You’re going to say them clearly, and then (this is the important part) you’re going to ask for hers.

Some men, the ones who don’t just blurt out that “I don’t know,” get defensive instead of answering, imagining that this is some sort of test. But this isn’t an interrogation. It’s an exchange. She’s showing you her framework for understanding people. Show her you can meet her there. Say: “What about you? What are yours?”

This is your advance prep. Venus tells her how you love. Mars tells her how you fuck and how you fight. But the same applies to her. Know yours, ask for hers, and suddenly you’re having an actual conversation, one that will probably reveal as much about her as it will you—if you’re prepared.

Step One: Actually Find Your Birth Chart

You need three pieces of information: birth date, birth time, and birth location. If you don’t know your exact birth time, call your mother. She remembers. If she doesn’t remember, check your birth certificate. If you can’t find your birth certificate, you’re going into this blind and she’ll know.

But, try anyway. Go to Cafe Astrology, Co-Star, or Astro.com. Input the data, and voilá, a birth chart. Now, there’s going to be a lot of information, and it may look utterly unintelligible to you. That’s ok. It brings us to…

Step Two: Read Your Signs Before She Does (And Ask For Hers)

There are a few key points you should look for in your birth chart. First, your Sun, Moon, and Rising signs. The astrology websites will tell you what these mean. The next thing you want to know is your Venus and Mars placements.

When she asks (and she will ask) you want to already know. “Yeah, I’m Venus in Scorpio, Mars in Capricorn. What about you?” is a completely different conversation than “I don’t know, I’ve never looked at that stuff.”

The first makes you interesting and makes it reciprocal. The second makes it feel like she’s diagnosing you. Ask for her chart. She knows her issues. Let her tell you about them in her own language. She’s Venus in Libra, Mars in Aries? Now you know she wants romance but fucks fast. She’s Venus in Capricorn, Mars in Pisces? She’s practical about love, fantasy-driven in bed.

Why This Works: Most men either dismiss astrology entirely or sit there while she analyzes them like a specimen. You’re doing neither. You’re saying: I’ll speak your language if you speak it back. That’s reciprocity. That’s rare.

A birth chart won’t tell you everything about her, and yours won’t tell her everything about you. You’ll both still judge based on the usual metrics. Family relationships, how you treat strangers, whether you can talk about something other than work. But knowing your Venus and Mars, and asking for hers, means you’re meeting in the middle. You’re not defensive, you’re not dismissive, and you’re both doing the work. (Yes, there are also houses, but that’s graduate-level astrology. Venus and Mars are the instruction manual. Start here.)

Here’s what those birth chart placements actually means, stripped of the mystical bullshit:

Your Venus Sign: How You Love

Venus is romance, affection, the way you demonstrate care. It’s candlelit dinners or lack thereof. It’s whether you text back immediately or make her wait three days because you read that somewhere.

Venus in Aries

You might be the sprint, not the marathon. You could pursue like you just discovered fire. Three days in, you’re texting at 2am. Three weeks in, you need space. If this sounds familiar, you mistake acceleration for intimacy. She’s trying to figure out if you’re sustainable.

Venus in Taurus

If you’re very Taurus, seduction takes time. Hours cooking. Hours in bed. Phone stays off. You don’t do casual. Forever or nothing. You’ll always remember her coffee order.

Venus in Gemini

You might be fascinating for six weeks, then mentally three moves ahead. You need someone who pivots from philosophy to sex without hesitation. But restaurant decisions take forever.

Venus in Cancer

If this is you, you’re building a sanctuary. You remember her mother’s name, the way she needs to be held. You lead with your whole heart month one. You need someone who won’t mistake that for weakness.

Venus in Leo

You could require an audience of one. Pictures of yourself? Why not when you look good. You make love like someone’s keeping score. You need adoration. You give it back with interest.

Venus in Virgo

If you’re very Virgo, love looks like competence. You research her back pain solutions. Three months later, you buy that olive oil she mentioned once. Proofreading her resume at midnight is your love language.

Venus in Libra

You might be in love with romance’s architecture. Candlelit dinners. Diplomatic discussions. You need harmony like oxygen. Other couples study you for clues.

Venus in Scorpio

If this is you, intimacy is archaeology. Excavating everything, cataloging damage and desires. Surface-level insults you. You want all or nothing. She won’t forget you.

Venus in Sagittarius

You might need someone who books last-minute trips without asking permission. Someone who doesn’t ask “where is this going?” Honesty is your default, tact optional. Freedom isn’t love’s opposite. It’s the requirement.

Venus in Capricorn

If you’re very Capricorn, she’s a long-term investment. Can she handle ambition? You’re romantic in the “you’ll never worry” sense. Clearing your schedule is the statement.

Venus in Aquarius

You could suggest arrangements your grandfather wouldn’t understand. Intellectual stimulation before physical. The detachment is actually space. You’re least jealous, most experimental. Faithfulness on your terms.

Venus in Pisces

If this is you, you love like a convert. Empathy that’s telepathic. You might cry during sex. Poetry about light on her face exists. Soulmates feel real. Your love demands she be worthy.

That’s romance. Now here’s the rest of the picture:

Your Mars Sign: How You Fuck (and Fight)

Mars is drive, aggression, libido. How you pursue what you want and what happens when you don’t get it. Venus is romance. Mars is hunger.

Mars in Aries

Impatient in bed and everywhere else. Foreplay is a suggestion you ignore. You want it now. Flash-fire temper. Hot, over quickly. Hair pulling works on you.

Mars in Taurus

Slow build. You want texture, time, the full experience. Anger accumulates slowly then detonates. In bed: thorough, consistent, maybe boring to some. Interrupting your rhythm kills you.

Mars in Gemini

Boredom is death. Sex is conversation made physical. Witty, varied, never identical. Anger comes out in cutting words. You talk your way through everything. Your mind wanders mid-sex.

Mars in Cancer

Emotion and sex are completely tangled. You can’t separate them. You need safety before vulnerability. Anger goes inward. You ice people out, make them earn forgiveness. When she says she’s fine, she’s not.

Mars in Leo

You want her eyes on you. You want praise. “Best she’s ever had” drives you. Dramatic when angry. You fight loud, expect the same energy back. You’ll perform until someone stops you.

Mars in Virgo

Sex is a skill you’re perfecting. Methodical even in passion. Your anger is surgical criticism, dissecting what’s wrong. You’re not spontaneous. You’re competent. You can’t stop thinking.

Mars in Libra

You hate conflict so much it poisons you. In bed, focused on her satisfaction sometimes over yours. Peaceful warrior or passive-aggressive. No middle ground. You need permission to be direct.

Mars in Scorpio

Sex is psychological, physical, spiritual. Everything at once. Possessive. Deeply sexual. You remember every slight. Your anger is controlled, calculated, devastating. You don’t forgive. You can’t release control.

Mars in Sagittarius

Fun, variety, laughter in bed. Brutally honest when angry. Tactlessly so. You’d rather explode than sit with resentment. Freedom turns you on. The C-word makes you bolt.

Mars in Capricorn

Stamina, determination, primal drive hidden under professionalism. Cold strategic anger. You don’t lose your temper. You calculate effective responses. You can’t turn off the control.

Mars in Aquarius

Possibly polyamorous. Turned on by unusual, by breaking rules. Your anger is intellectual. You debate people into submission. Not jealous. Curious. Normal is your nightmare.

Mars in Pisces

Fantasy-driven, boundary-less. You merge completely. Emotionally, spiritually, physically. Submissive or lost in imagination. Anger dissolves into sadness. You don’t fight. You disappear into your head mid-sex.