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Sex: A Very Oral Report
  • December 11, 2013 : 15:12
  • comments

ELIZABETH WURTZEL

Author of four books, including Prozac Nation; lawyer

In love, there is no equality. I’m a hardcore feminist, so if I am saying that, it must be true. Living with a man means picking up his dirty socks and bringing him coffee and pastries in bed, and it means he always comes, even if you don’t. The reason it is crucial that women make a lot of money and have a lot of power in the public sphere is that it is not going to happen in private, if they love men. I know this. I drive a hard bargain as a writer and a lawyer. David Boies is one of the most powerful men in the world, and he will tell you that I don’t work for him—he works for me. But when it comes to love and the men I love, I am a slave. It is a pleasure to serve: I love being in love. That’s just the way it is.

The book I’m writing now is going to be called YES: A History of Love at First Sight in New York City. I am sorry for all the times I said no. And I don’t mean to sex. I’m happy for all the times I said no to sex, because it was probably not nearly enough times. But I’m sorry for all the things I said no to, like the times people said, “Come with me to the movies,” and I was like, “No, I’m tired.” I’m sorry for all the times I was tired and just didn’t do something. I’m sorry for all the times I was cranky, because I should have gone out. I missed a movie; I missed going to a very good museum exhibit. I’m sorry for everything I said no to. I’m sorry for trips I said no to, because as you get older, fewer things come up. They just do. Life becomes more boring in general. And it’s too bad. You should just do everything you can do. I’m sorry for all the things I haven’t done; I should have done everything. I should have done all the things that were a dumb idea, that would have compromised my dignity—which is not so important. That would have been, you know, just fun. But mostly I can’t complain, because I said yes to most things. I am not somebody who spent a lot of time avoiding things. And I think that’s better.

MEGAN MULLALLY

Actress, singer

I’ve always considered myself to be a very sexual person. I had sexy thoughts when I was little. When I was three years old I had a recurring dream about a witch who would put me in an oven and cook me, and then she would take me out and eat me. I was like, “Oh yeah! Cook me! Cook me, witch! Put me in that fucking oven and cook me. Do it, do it.” That was my first sexual thing, and I don’t know what that means. I was always interested in sex.

I had a lot of boyfriends and a lot of flings. I think flings are great. That’s something women should investigate a little more thoroughly. The trick is, you have to not care. I was in my late 30s when I first started having successful flings and didn’t get emotionally attached to the guy. But you have to be at a point in your life when you’re not needy, when you’re not looking for a husband or a long-term boyfriend or anything. I feel one of the last taboos is for women not to have children. I’m not going to say I never wanted to have children, but I never had a burning desire to have children. When I met my husband and we got serious and were going to get married, I tried. I was 44, and it was a little bit late in the day. But he was the first guy I was going to try with. I just didn’t have that burning desire. If you don’t have it, you should honor that. Having children isn’t something you should do just because everybody else is. To be in the slim minority of women who don’t can be a little unsettling and make you feel like, Well, is there something wrong with me? But I never felt that. My life has been about trying to entertain people. In my own paltry way, trying to entertain people is my service. My service is not raising a family. I know you can do both, but that just wasn’t my thing. The other taboo is a new taboo: I have not had any plastic surgery or any injections or anything done to my face or body. And that is the new taboo. People are mortified. People look at my neck and are like, “Oh God, what is that?” I think it’s great and fine for other people, and there’s certainly a lot of new technology out there that’s not as invasive. You can end up getting stuff done and look reasonably okay, but it’s not for me. I just want to see what’s going to happen. Also, somebody’s got to play the old lady in the movies, and sooner or later I’m going to be the only one who doesn’t look like she’s 40. And I’ll be working.

NAOMI WOLF

Author of eight books, including The Beauty Myth and Vagina: A New Biography

There is almost no positive place for a girl—a teenage girl, a young woman, a woman—to stand and be sexual, on a sexual journey, in our culture. There was this brief, shining moment when I was growing up in the mid-1970s that really influenced me. I grew up in the Haight-Ashbury in San Francisco, and it was like anything was acceptable; you were weird if you weren’t at least bisexual. Being gay was a revolutionary, positive thing. Everyone was open and exploring, including women. And also the culture for a moment was not yet so pornografized—probably because of technology. When men and women encountered each other, they were learning about each other from each other, rather than from this giant for-profit industry of pornography.

One thing that’s being documented is how quickly sex becomes boring if you masturbate to pornography and so you need to ramp it up to what one young man who talked to me about his porn addiction called “the kink spiral.” I keep seeing this in pop culture: the choking thing, angry anal, aggression. It’s not that I’m passing moral judgment, but it worries me as a human being that porn makes us so desensitized to sex itself—which is supposed to be this revolutionary, transformational power—that we need to ramp it up with aggression.

My objection is not to pictures of naked women. What has happened to Generation Y and teenagers is that everybody grows up already addicted to online porn. What worries me is that porn doesn’t liberate sex; it closes it down.

I haven’t seen Playboy lately, so I don’t know how explicit it is, but I could see a movement that encourages teenage boys to subscribe to a magazine that has naked, pretty women sitting there, rather than turning on a video. It’s almost romantic compared with what’s online. How nice. Women are beautiful. I’m going to get all kinds of shit from feminists for having said that.

JOANNA ANGEL

Adult-film star, owner of Burning Angel Entertainment

Porn stars are more touchable now. They’re not on pedestals like they used to be. People know a lot about them thanks to social media. So much of their information is out there and easy to access; it’s a little different from the image of the porn star in the early 1990s. It’s like that with musicians too. If they have a mental breakdown, everyone knows about it. It doesn’t really matter, because you have to adapt with the times no matter what. In some ways it’s better and in some ways worse.

For me, most of the changes are probably a good thing because I’m not an untouchable-looking blonde Barbie doll. If my entire persona were based on my being perfect-looking, then I probably wouldn’t have a career in porn. I’ve definitely been able to thrive off of cashing in on the way I look and also my personality—that’s how I’ve been able to connect with fans. I probably wouldn’t have been able to be who I am had I done porn in a different decade.

I can’t speak for anyone’s career but my own: I have never been subjected to anything bad just for being a woman. I know some people may have that image of porn. I’m not saying porn is the right place for every woman in the world. A career where everyone is looking at you, where you’re out there to be judged, can be very tough if you don’t have a thick skin. I’ve never felt degraded. I never let being a woman get in the way of anything I ever do.

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read more: lifestyle, Sex and Dating, sex, relationships, sex advice, issue january 2014

1 comments

  • Robert
    Robert
    @Natasha Leggero, you have to hire an assistant because women who say they want a supportive man who would do the role of homemaker are liars. Whenever they meet a man with this personality they consider him weak and listless. No matter what they say about this they want the bloodthirsty go-getter pillager guy. That's why women have assistants and men have wives.
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