Unicorn

If your libidinous mind can imagine it, there’s probably already a term for it

Sexuality in Conversation August 5, 2020


unicorn (n) a person, usually a young bisexual woman, who sexually interacts with a committed heterosexual couple

After searching for a third for almost a year, Zach and Abby finally met a perfect unicorn that they wished to welcome into their bedroom lives.

It’s time for a quick lesson on the magical creatures that are unicorns. And no, we’re not talking about the ones in your favorite young adult novels. In the vast world of polyamory, a unicorn is a term used to refer to “the third” in a three-way relationship, specifically a woman who is added to the dynamic of a married couple. The woman is usually bisexual, while the couple consists of a heterosexual man and a bisexual woman. She becomes the secondary partner of both the man and woman, with the bond between the couple remaining the primary relationship.

The unicorn isn’t expected to develop serious feelings or heartfelt attachments to the committed couple; her only goal is to experience pleasure. It’s increasingly a way for young women to sexually explore and achieve sexual agency without the constraints of monogamy. As you might guess, the term is used to imply that such a find is rare in the dating landscape.

“Unicorn hunting” describes the search for such an individual and is a controversial term in the poly community. A common criticism of unicorn-hunting couples is that they often end up treating the woman as a toy in their relationship, an object to act out explicit fantasies upon and then discard when it becomes inconvenient. It can also be seen as straight male wish-fulfillment, in which the male partner is the driving force behind finding a unicorn and the main beneficiary.

However you choose to see unicorns or the couples who seek them out, compassion and respect from all parties inform a major part of successful unicorn scenarios. Unicorns have their own feelings, personal lives and schedules, and couples looking to explore a third would do well to remember this.

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