Stalking The Smoking Loon

December, 1989

All I have to do to find a loon these days is walk out my door. Suddenly, there he is--another wild-eyed, hysterical psychotic who wants to have me arrested for "assault with a deadly weapon," which turns out to be my Winston cigarette.Question: What did all of these people do before they had my cigarettes to give their lives meaning?A better question: Why aren't they concerned with more important things, like war, taxes, insurance rates, drugs, venereal disease, handguns, muggers, the...