Your bag is empty.
To the best of our knowledge, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning has never sparked up a J. Not even during the months he spent recuperating from a debilitating neck injury that required multiple surgeries. And yet, this past September at least one Denver marijuana dispensary rebranded Chem 91 SFV OG Kush—which treats anxiety, nausea and headache—after the teetotaling QB. Welcome to the wide world of weed in 2014, where marketing often trumps reality.
To be clear, unique names for different strains of Cannabis indica and Cannabis sativa are not a new phenomenon. Casual tokers may be familiar with the monikers AK-47, Northern Lights and Purple Haze (named for the Jimi Hendrix song about LSD). But the explosive growth of the retail marijuana industry in states including Colorado and California is forcing growers to ramp up the gimmicks. “If you go into a dispensary and something doesn’t have a name, it’s almost like people won’t buy it,” says Johnny Green, proprietor of the Weed Blog. “It has to have a catchy name.” The result? A boom in strains referencing Manning, Olympian Michael Phelps, recent medical marijuana convert Dr. Sanjay Gupta and others.
Most strains arrive in dispensaries with a name. “Naming strains is something breeders actually enjoy,” Kyle Kushman, winner of the 2013 High Times U.S. Cannabis Cup, says. “It gets your mark on something.” Not all strains will catch on, even ones that have an excellent name. “Think of it like music,” says David Bienenstock, a High Times columnist and author of Legalized It! “New music comes out constantly, but not everything finds an audience. Part of connoisseurship in anything is being a part of that gatekeeping process.” In other words, experienced smokers hope quality product trumps a clever name.
I don’t like Cat Piss. I don’t like God’s Pussy. I don’t like Green Crack.
Pot’s recent shift from underground (you and your buddies in a parked car) to general consumption by a white-collar clientele (suburban dad with back pain) is also affecting names. “I know a lot of new medical patients who don’t have a long history with marijuana and the strain names,” Green says. “When they hear violent names like AK-47 or Green Crack, they are really turned off.” Kushman agrees. “I don’t like Cat Piss. I don’t like God’s Pussy. I don’t like Green Crack. I don’t like these names. They don’t make me smile.”
The best cultivators try to keep names in the family while adding a little whimsy. After crossing his famous Strawberry Cough with male pollen from the Adonai Kush (Hindu Kush being the mountain range in Afghanistan where the buds originate) and noticing a distinct cherry flavor, Kushman picked the name Cherry Choke. But after a friend mentioned the surfer Gerry Lopez, Kushman changed it to Cherry Lopez. Two sister strains became Candy Lopez and Sour Lopez. “Cherry and Candy sounded like two strippers I met in Tijuana,” he says, laughing of course.