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For more than three decades, Nia Long has found her way into some of Black America’s most beloved and quotable films and TV shows: Boyz n the Hood, Friday, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, The Best Man, Love Jones. That last title alone inspired a generation of spoken-word poets, for better or worse, and has been playing on a loop in the cultural imagination ever since—which is why she’s teaming back up with costar Larenz Tate for a new romantic drama. Long specializes in Black stories, told straight, with universal appeal, and she’s been name-dropped by everyone from Jay-Z to J. Cole to A Tribe Called Quest as shorthand for what fine looks like.

At 55, she’s also still the baddest. “I want what I want, and I want ot the way that I want it,” she tells Playboy. Now she’s taking on the highest-stakes role of her career: Katherine Jackson in Michael, the most anticipated and contested biopic in years. Long sat down with writer and cultural critic Jamilah Lemieux in Los Angeles to talk about her work, and why freedom is all she ever really wanted.

Many of us were introduced to you via Love Jones. I was obsessed with that movie for years. It took place in Chicago, my hometown, and that’s what I thought relationships and adulthood were supposed to look like. Did you have any idea how important that movie would be?

No, we didn’t. When I read the script, it was the same feeling I had when I read Boyz n the Hood. … I felt like Love Jones was such an extension of who I am. My father was a poet; my mother’s an artist. We’re from Brooklyn, but Chicago and New York have some symmetry. I just knew it was honest, and I think when something is honest, it’s good. When Love Jones came out, it was considered a box office flop. We didn’t make a lot of money, but what we created was something cultural and iconic. That is more valuable than anything.

Fans lost their minds when it was announced that you and Larenz Tate are reuniting for another romantic drama. Can you tell us a little bit about it? Is it true that it’s based on neo-soul singer Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite album?

It is. I love Maxwell. I grew up listening to Maxwell; he’s a personal friend. It took us three years to get the film set up, and it’s a really cool concept. It’s sort of an extension of where Nina and Darius [from Love Jones] could be today, but it’s a completely different film. There’s a lot more comedy. We’re parents now. We literally just wrapped a couple of weeks ago. I love Larenz. That’s my guy, forever and ever and ever.

You all have something very special on camera.

When we were about to start shooting, I think we were both nervous because it had been years since we had shared camera time together. And after the first day, I think we both looked at each other like, Yeah, we still got it.

Everyone has a core memory related to Michael Jackson and/or the Jackson Five. What is yours?

I have two. My mother used to work at his record label, and she actually did some artwork for the back of one of his albums. I walked in[to the label office] and there were all these photos of Michael Jackson, and she’s like, “Let’s take these. He’s going to be a big star.” He was already a star, but this was the beginning of his solo [career].

My most precious memory of Michael Jackson was at a Stevie Wonder concert. I was walking up a flight of steps, and as I was headed down to the stage, in walks Michael Jackson with [Boyz n the Hood director] John Singleton. He was like, “Hi, Nia Long!” I literally couldn’t speak. He was such a real person. So when he said your name, it wasn’t on some “I’m Michael Jackson and you’re whoever you are.” He genuinely wanted to connect in that moment, and I remember the energy of a real superstar wanting to connect with me at the very beginning of my career. So to play his mom in this film is a privilege.

How did you prepare for that role? Katherine Jackson is arguably the most important mother in music history.

I agree. I prayed a lot because my interpretation can be my interpretation, but what the world needs my interpretation to be is kind of beyond my control. The work comes through me, not to me. And so I had to kind of trust my instincts. Antoine Fuqua, the director, would always say, “Trust the process.” At first, I was like, “Stop saying that to me.” And then I’m like, “OK, I need you to say that to me today.” We had tough days, and we had easy days, like any other movie set. But I think the common thread in all of this is everyone involved really loves and adores Michael Jackson, and we wanted to get it right. And although the film went through some changes, the version everyone will see is really, really spectacular and entertaining. And I think Michael would be happy.

There’s going to be a lot of scrutiny over this movie, from people who are very passionate about Michael Jackson and people who are very critical of him alike. How do you plan to protect your sanity? Are you going to read the think pieces, or are you going offline?

No one can interfere with my sanity. That’s number one. I learned a long time ago that you cannot be successful in this industry if you listen to the noise and the distractions. And the one thing that I am very, very, very protective of is my peace. Because in order for me to do what I do, I have to commit to that first. Although there will be noise, and there will be things that are out of my control. Listen, everyone’s entitled to their opinion, but I’m here to interpret a story, to represent a woman, to represent a mother, to represent a Black woman who, in my opinion, is the real hero in all of this. I know what it’s like to be a mom carrying the weight, and when I think of grace, I think of Katherine Jackson.

Say more.

She’s the epitome of grace. It’s the ability to carry people, things, circumstances, time, elegance, secrets. It’s anger, happiness. It’s being a woman who is in charge, but she’s quiet. That’s grace.

This is Playboy—

OK, let’s get sexy.

I want to get sexy! But we don’t ask men about dating and sex the way we ask women. So I feel a little guilty wanting to ask you these questions, but we’re pretty—

Straightforward. I mean, we’re the ones who make it spicy.

It’s hard for those of us who aren’t actors to imagine portraying intimacy with somebody that we find attractive. Have you ever been attracted to one of your costars?

I’ve definitely been attracted to or able to find something attractive about them, but I think when I’m in the moment and working, it doesn’t— the two don’t go together because you’re there for one specific thing. You can admire someone and go, “Oh, he looks good today,” and not act on it.

You’ve been everybody’s crush for a very long time. How has being the subject of so much public desire impacted your sexuality?

Well, I’m not as exciting as the rap songs [claim]. I get a kick out of it because it means that I’ve contributed something to the culture—that is comforting, that is inspiring, that’s sexy! I don’t take any of it so seriously, though. Nia, who everyone knows in public, is very different from who I am on a daily basis. I get up in the morning. I take my kid to school. I make breakfast. My older one has graduated from college, but I have a junior high schooler, and I’m a regular mom.

Are you dating? Are you balancing your social life with your work life and your mommy life?

I can’t even answer that question. I probably shouldn’t answer that question. Am I “dating?” I don’t like that word.

Why not?

I feel like that requires me to go out and do something. I do think that if you’re looking for a partner, you have to be actively out there in order to meet. But I am not in that space right now. I’m really focused on my kids, my work, and my girlfriends, and going out and having a good time. … I like to get up and do what I want to do when I want to do it. It’s not that I don’t want to have a partner, but I was in a relationship for a very long time and I’m enjoying getting to know myself without feeling the need to be of service to a relationship. I want to be of service to myself, to my children, and to my career. And when the right man comes along [whom] I choose to commit to, then perhaps he will be of service to me.

When you’re ready.

See, here’s the thing with me. When I date, I end up staying with that person.

You’ve never had a situationship.

I’ve never had that. I need one.

It’s intense. It’s quick, it’s fun, and then it’s over. The trick is to make sure they go when you want them to, not that they leave you.

Yeah, I don’t want to be left. That’s annoying. Also, here’s my biggest thing about dating. People talk too much. I need them to shut up. If we’re going to have a one-night stand, I almost feel like I need to have them sign NDAs.

You absolutely should make them sign an NDA.

There are a lot of people that I would be down to have a little fun with! Not a lot, but some.

Have you taken advantage of the access to men that you have, Nia? I’m getting the impression that there have been some honeys in your radar that you let slip by.

Let me just start here: The new way of dating is so—I don’t even understand what’s happening! First of all, if I text you and you take a day, I’m never talking to you again. Never talking again.

There seems to be an uptick in women enjoying the company of younger men.

I’m a big fan of this. I love it. Why not?

Given that a spin yet?

See, I told you I’m not really out there. I got to get out there.

You’ve got to get on the dating apps. They have one for famous people!

What’s it called?

Raya.

I can’t be on Raya because I wouldn’t even keep up. They’ll be like, “She’s flaky! Get her off of here!” I’m so picky. I’m really picky. I do like younger, though. I think there’s something fun about younger.

Young is fun.

And they also go home.

I remember Whoopi Goldberg famously saying, “I don’t want a man in my house.”

I’ve been to her house. She’s fine with her gardenias and herself. Yeah. And her big, beautiful staircase. Whoopi doesn’t play. I learned a lot from Whoopi, actually.

What else have you learned from her?

I learned to have a voice on set, to take up space, to ask for what I need to commit to the work, to try new things, to just be free. I was really young when we did that film together, Made in America. What I noticed about her work is that every take was different, and she’s very fluid, like riding the tide in the ocean. Nothing mechanical, it always felt natural.

Single motherhood is often stigmatized, especially for Black women. When I was prepping for this interview, I realized I’ve never heard you criticized for being a single mother. Is that something that you’ve experienced in your private life or from fans?

Well, first of all, we are in charge of our choices. So if I’m empowered by my own choice, I can never be a victim of my circumstances. I have had beautiful relationships with both of my children’s fathers. It didn’t work out. It doesn’t mean I don’t love ’em. It doesn’t mean we’re not cool. It doesn’t mean we’re not friends. It doesn’t mean that we still can’t have family time together. It only means that we don’t have to be romantically involved with each other, but we can still celebrate our children.

I love what you said about still having that beautiful relationship with your children’s fathers. I think we should talk more openly about co-parenting.

I love my co-parenting situation. We have the best: We go on holidays. We go on vacation. Sometimes we carve out space to go to dinner. We went to dinner the other night, and we had a really good time. And then it’s like, “OK, bye. Have fun. Talk to you later.” But there’s still a sense of community within that where I can call them if [our sons] need something or they can call me. There’s obviously boundaries there, but we can still be a family. We can still be proud of the legacy that we’re creating in our careers separately. And it works. We make it work. Really, I make it work. I’m not giving anyone else the credit.

Mama usually does make it work.

We are the designers. We are the architects. We are the ones who can visualize what we want to see for our children, and make them the priority.

You have two Black sons in a country that is often unkind to Black people. In what ways has your privilege protected them, and in what ways has it been unable to protect them?

I wouldn’t say protect. I would say that it’s given them access, but I don’t know if it’s always genuine. I don’t know that they’re always received for the beautiful minds that they do have. And it wasn’t until my oldest one [Maasai] quit playing [football] that I think I realized that. The pandemic hit, and then the young men who were supposed to be drafted didn’t get drafted. We had to make a tough decision, and he just said, “Mommy, I think I’m done.” I said, “OK, let’s do something else.” He moved to New York and he got into NYU, and I’m so proud of Maasai. He really has a beautiful, beautiful mind. He’s a really smart young man. He’s smarter than me, actually. You want that for your kids. But I think what’s tough for him is finding that group of young people who don’t see him as my son first. And with social
media, you can’t hide from it. Not that he would want to, but I mean, I think it was a thing when he was in college, like “Man, your mom’s Nia Long.”

I would say that you are hotter than ever, arguably the hottest you’ve ever been, which is saying a lot. What do you love most about this version of yourself?

Ooh, the trust—that I’m able to trust my instincts completely. The knowingness, the grace, the acceptance of being wise enough. To remain young enough to stay open and have fun. It’s freedom. One of my girlfriends asked me about two years ago: “If you could have one thing, what would you want?” I said, “Freedom.” Freedom can mean so many different things for women, but for me in that moment, it meant the ability to do whatever I want to do when I want to do it and how I want to do it. And I have that.

You’re very lucky. How long did it take you to get free?

I think it was years of grinding it out, never, ever lowering my standards. I mean to the point where I’m a pain in the ass for certain people, but I don’t care. I want what I want, and I want it the way that I want it because I will work for it, not because I feel entitled.

Speaking of your hard work, what would you prefer: retiring in unlimited luxury in your late 60s, never working again; or working until your 80s, doing meaningful work that you love and having a comfortable lifestyle? You’d still have bags, but you’d also have a budget.

Does this mean I have to work nonstop between now and 80? I don’t know. That’s a tough one because I feel like a woman gets better with age, but I also feel like there’s a certain point where you want to slow life down and don’t want to have to work that hard. You want to work gracefully. You want to come in and do a couple of scenes and get those awards and go home, right? Yeah. All of it. But 65 feels a little—I’m going to still be hot at 65.

Absolutely.

I’m about to start dating. That’s how hot it’s about to get.