vanilla (adj) a term used to describe any form of sexual intercourse that meets the conventional standards set by society

Rachel and Taylor put away the tools and toys and decided to go for some cozy vanilla sex since they hadn’t done missionary in a long time.

There is no incorrect way to enjoy sex. Any consensual encounter that brings pleasure and connection is worthwhile. That said, vanilla sex, or sex that can be regular ol’ missionary with the lights turned off, has been unfairly maligned in our sexual landscape. The definition of vanilla is subjective, but it’s generally characterized as traditional, simple, non-acrobatic sex—no handcuffs, swings, rubber suits or extra people.

Vanilla is typically hurled as an insult to indicate someone is basic in bed. In actuality, there is nothing wrong with the vanilla label. The term grew out of the BDSM community to differentiate sex that happened outside of the kink world. It was meant to be a harmless descriptor with no shade behind it. As the label went mainstream, however, it picked up a negative connotation. Combine that with the ubiquity of hardcore porn and franchises like Fifty Shades, and vanilla folks begin to feel like their sex lives are missing something.

It can be assumed a significant chunk of the population likes vanilla sex—thus the name—so if you’re a vanilla sex–haver, you’re in good company!

Although sexual experimentation can teach you new things about yourself and your partner, there are advantages to conventional exploits as well. For some, vanilla sex can feel more romantic and emotionally comforting.

The big takeaway is not to compare your sex life to the sex lives of others. Sex is a wide-open, choose-your-own-adventure book, and there are no rules for how to get off.