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Sexuality in Conversation

The Proper Etiquette for a One-Night Stand

Many find one-night stands fun because they require the lowest commitment when seeking sex. It’s sex for the sake of sex. That's it. But as research has recently revealed, the sex we’re having in these casual scenarios is complete garbage. In a way, one-night stand sex is like eating at a restaurant where you know the food will be underwhelming. If things continue this way, patrons will quit dining, if you know what I mean.

According to research, six in 10 Americans have engaged in a one-night stand. Divided by gender, men have about seven of these encounters in their lifetime whereas women average around six. Here’s where things get unfair: Of the women who’ve had a one-night stand, only 10 percent have had an orgasm compared to 64 percent of men. (Probably why 43 percent don’t stay in touch with their one-night lovers.)

Researchers concluded women are more likely to climax when they’re better acquainted with sexual partners. For example, with someone new, women only orgasm 14 percent of the time. With a long-term partner, she will orgasm 29 percent of the time. The figure still isn't great, admittedly, but it is doubled. The problem with this conclusion is, with one-night stands, you’ve only got one night to get to know the person you will be sleeping with, so relying on this theory isn’t going to help you any.

Playboy spoke to Sunny Rodgers, sexologist and ambassador for the American Sexual Health Association, on proper ways to treat a one-night stand so they feel comfortable in the somewhat vulnerable position. First and foremost, be a gentleman. “Make sure chivalry isn’t dead,” Rodgers initially mentions. “Hold the door open for her, offer to hang her coat, ask if she’d like something to drink.” Simply being polite goes a long way to make a woman feel comfortable when on your turf for the first time.

“Don’t be too forward, either,” she cautions. “No matter that this is a one-night stand, the lady you’ve chosen will still want to feel special for being chosen by you.” Make her feel valued by giving her time to adjust to this new setting. Offer a drink, water, some food, have a chat or throw on something funny on Netflix (use this time to clean your bedroom and tidy the linens if need be). Another nice idea is to have a cell phone charger available. Chances are she didn’t plan on spending the night, so her phone will need a recharge before the evening is through.
Make sure chivalry isn’t dead. Hold the door open for her, offer to hang her coat, ask if she’d like something to drink.
Okay, now it’s time for sex. But your job being a gracious host of a one-night stand is far from over. First, bring some ice water to the bedroom; sex makes us thirsty. Because good sex is learned through experience with a partner, and you’ve never even seen her naked, Rodgers has offered some tried-and-true tips for a positive sexual experience—no matter your lack of experience together.

“While your initial feelings may be to hurry through the experience, I advise taking your time,” she explains. “Most women need 20 minutes for their bodies to fully prepare for optimal penetration. This means taking time to enjoy some foreplay can go a long way.” How do you make foreplay last longer? Undress her piece by piece and kiss her body along the way. Run your tongue down sensitive erogenous areas, like the back of her neck, her earlobe, the cleft of her arm, etc. Suck on her fingers. Be a generous lover. Always have ample protection at your place. Lube as well.

In terms of positions, Rodgers recommends woman-on-top with a one-night stand. Most women favor the position, she insists, as a woman can determine depth and speed on her own terms. “I would suggest making out a bit in your undies before removing them and committing to a sex position,” Rodgers advises. “Rolling around a few times, and you’ll feel if she wants to be on top or underneath.” Positions to skip? Doggy style. The position lacks passion.

Ultimately, Rodgers insists you take your cues from her. If you’re not exactly sure where her clitoris is, or if it’s too sensitive, guide her hand between her legs and whisper that you want her to show you how she likes to be touched. “This is not only incredibly sexy,” Rodgers continues, “it allows you to follow her hand and learn just what she likes.” You should also follow her lead with thrusting—very few women like being jackhammered.

Your duties aren’t over when you climax, either. After sex, make sure you let her know that you enjoyed the experience. Act warm and comfortable. This will allow the one-night to end on a good note. Make sure she has a safe way to get home. If she’s arrived in your car, offer to get her a Lyft or a cab. If she slept over and you’re feeling her, take her out for breakfast. Keep in perspective that you both just enjoyed a passionate evening together, and make her revel in the evening by showing her you are one hell of a gentleman. 

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