We all know how the story of the rabbit and the tortoise ended, right? Biggest takeaway, slow and steady wins the race. Let’s take this proverb and apply it to the bedroom. We aren’t going to be taking a page from the rabbit’s story,—although quickies in bed can be their own kind of fun—we’re going to be focusing on the tortoise. Learn how “edging” can help you win in bed by prolonging your pleasure, intensifying your orgasm, and helping with premature ejaculation (PE).

If you’re still with me, toss the images of animals out of your head and start thinking about your inner one. To break it down, edging is known by other names like peaking or surfing, but all are essentially orgasm control. It’s the act of bringing yourself to dance along the edge of orgasm without slipping and falling into the canyon of no return. Once you’ve mastered your footing, you once again bring yourself to the brink and then back off. This is a safe practice best done on your own, but feel free to say yes to a partner’s helping hand.

There are a few techniques you can try as you begin your edging journey. The stop-start technique is pretty self-explanatory. This is where you are masturbating, come close to the point of no return and then stop. It’s okay if you don’t succeed at this at first. This is a great exercise in getting to know your body and what it feels like when you get close to coming. Take a break and try again. Once you’ve mastered the timing, bring yourself up to the edge as many times as you like before releasing.

Kegels are a great way to control your orgasms as well. They aren’t just for women. Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor and can help in delaying orgasm. Best of all, you can do them anywhere. I’m doing them right now as I write this. If you’re having difficulty locating where exactly those muscles are then try to stop the flow of urine the next time you feel the urge to visit the loo. Stopped the flow? Amazing, you found the muscles! But once you’ve determined where they are, stopping the flow of urine is not a recommended exercise to strengthen your PC (pubococcygeus muscles). In fact, you can even cause damage leading to incomplete bladder emptying. So as much as you might like to have your own Bellagio show, leave that to Las Vegas.

At some point in your life, you may experience some version of premature ejaculation. That is to say, you came before you wanted to. Clinically speaking, premature ejaculation is characterized by always or almost always ejaculating within a minute of penetration, the inability to delay ejaculation during intercourse, and feeling distressed and frustrated leading to an avoidance of sexual activities. This is a common concern and according to the Mayo Clinic, 1 in 3 men have experienced PE.

In addition to facilitating stronger orgasms and helping with PE, edging can make you a better lover to your partner. If you’re someone who enjoys sex with women, it should come as no surprise to you that we need a bit more time than you to heat up. Use edging to your advantage to make sure your partner is properly satisfied before releasing, especially since refractory times (the time after orgasm to when you’re ready to be aroused again) can range from a few minutes to the next day.

This isn’t to say that you have to have marathon sex that stretches long into the wee hours of the night or that this is the only way to have sex. This is just some information for you to store away and pull out when you’re looking to expand your erotic offerings with yourself or a partner.

Also important to note that orgasm isn’t everything. It’s great, but it isn’t the benchmark that constitutes great sex. If you’re someone who struggles reaching orgasm, but still likes to engage in sexual activity, that’s great too! Enjoy the ride wherever it takes you.