We’ve been in quarantine for, what, more than three months now? Which means, if you’re isolated without a sexual partner, you’ve spent a disproportionate amount of time masturbating to porn to which you’re slowly becoming desensitized. So, instead of committing every vein in your chafed member to memory, take this time to try something new and play around in your backyard. (I’m talking about butt stuff.)

Even if you’re no stranger to anal play, giving your third eye some exercise (a.k.a. anal training) when it isn’t seeing much action is a proactive way to prepare for the day when we’re finally able to be intimate with individuals outside the home.

Admittedly, as a queer sex writer, I’m no stranger to receptive anal intercourse, but it wasn’t until recently that I started really enjoying it. Contrary to popular opinion, this reluctance is fairly common inside the community.

Research has found that only about 40 percent of gay male sexual encounters include anal sex. And, after personally speaking with gay men who identify as “bottoms” (meaning they are the receptive partner in anal intercourse) but don’t enjoy anal penetration, I’ve found their reluctance is often due to pain, preparation and poor past experiences.

On the other hand, heterosexual men have been slowly opening their minds (and spreading their cheeks) to the prospect of prostate play for quite some time. In fact, anal sex, prostate massage and pegging were some of the biggest sexual trends of 2016. In a 2019 survey, 71 percent of straight men in a relationship had tried or admitted they’d like to try prostate massage and said they experienced orgasms up to 33 percent stronger than solely handling their joystick.

A great solution to either circumstance—whether you’re looking to introduce yourself to prostate play or you’re training your bum for future hookups—is to give your sphincter regular exercise through solo play. That way, you can work at your own pace with zero pressure, because comfort is key.

A quick lesson: Your sphincter is a ring of muscle that guards the anus and is used to being closed tight for most of the day. So, naturally, when you give the muscle some stimulation, it will become more adept at and accustomed to welcoming foreign objects like a finger, penis or toy. The more the muscle is stimulated, the more receptive it becomes to other, potentially larger, body-safe objects.

Think of your sphincter like a friendship. In the beginning you’re basically strangers, but after spending enough time together, you become friends. I spoke with Zhana Vrangalova, resident sexpert at LELO and professor of human sexuality at New York University, to get you and your bum better acquainted. It’s time for some anal enlightenment.

The Right Lube

First, you’ve got to find the right lube. Both quality and quantity are important. Don’t skimp here. As a general rule, use more lube than you think, applying to both your hole and toy. If you’re comfortable, try using your finger to get the lube deeper in the anus. This will ease the insertion process.

If you’re using silicone toys, don’t use a silicone-based lube. Although silicone lubes are slick, long-lasting and wonderful for anal intercourse, they can actually degrade a toy, which, obviously, is not good for the body.

If you’re not well-versed in lubricants, water-based are your best options since they’re compatible with everything and won’t stain the sheets. And although many people opt for desensitizing or numbing lubes, Vrangalova cautions against them since, in addition to relieving discomfort, they can also mask injury. Similarly, steer clear of lubes that offer cooling or warming sensations, as they can cause irritation.

The Set Up

Before touching your bum, set yourself up so you don’t get lube all over everything. Start with a towel to keep lube and potential mess from staining any surfaces. If you have them, Vrangalova recommends puppy pads. Have your lube and a freshly cleaned toy (or toys) within arm’s reach. Hell, you can even light a candle. Romance yourself!

“If you need porn to get you in the mood, set that up and get into whatever position works for you,” Vrangalova says. “For most people, it’s going to be seated on the bed or couch with the back propped up. That gives you easy access and you can be relaxed. Others might prefer lying down on their back or stomach.”

The most important thing is that you are relaxed and aroused. Take your time and enjoy yourself.

The Training Schedule

If you’re using a dilation kit, prostate massager or dildo, Vrangalova recommends you train once or twice a day for five to 15 minutes per session, four to six days a week. If that’s too much of a commitment, let your body and desire lead the way. But know that, as is true of most muscles, the more you exercise, the better the result.

“Varied size dildos (with a wide base so it doesn’t get lost in the anus and send you to the ER) are the best for anal stretching,” Vrangalova says. “People often think butt plugs are the right tool, but they only stretch while getting inserted. Once in, they have a pretty narrow end so the anal ring doesn’t get stretched much.”

If you do choose to use a butt plug, try wearing it for extended periods of time, such as when you’re cleaning the apartment or taking a socially distanced stroll.

When starting out, keep the toy inserted for roughly five seconds, remove it and repeat 10 times for three sets. This will get your body comfortable with penetration. Start small and slow, enter at a slight angle and stop as soon as you meet resistance.

When you’re in as deep as your body will allow, play around in there by twisting your toy and moving it up and down. This will help your body open up more and, after time, potentially allow you to dive a little deeper.

When it’s time to move on to something bigger, again, let your body be your guide. “Size up when you don’t feel any resistance or discomfort with the current size,” Vrangalova says. “For most people that would mean sticking with the same size for at least a week or two. Stop going larger when the discomfort doesn’t go away.”

Remember: This is a long-term project, not a week-long thing. Give yourself time and be patient.

The Warning Signs

The bum is very sensitive, which means tearing and injury is not uncommon, even if you’ve taken all preventive measures. Sharp pain, excessive bleeding or anal soreness that doesn’t go away after a couple days are signs you might have gone too far.

“If it’s only a bit of blood, just take some time off until there’s no blood or discomfort when you go to the bathroom,” Vrangalova says. “When you go back to it, take it easy. Maybe go down a size and stick with that size for longer before sizing up. If there is a lot of blood, you might need to seek medical attention.”

If it becomes painful to defecate, drink plenty of fluids and eat fiber-rich foods to assist bowel movements. To ease discomfort, take a warm bath with Epsom salts after using the washroom to clean the area. This will help ease pain and prevent infection. Similarly, you can use a warm compress or take painkillers incrementally throughout the day.

The End

Prostate orgasms are next level, but playing with such a sensitive part of your body means you have to play safe and be careful. By following these rules, you will not only experience pleasure beyond comprehension (those toes will curl!), but you also will have been productive at a time when productivity can be difficult to imagine or accomplish. Now, and I say this in the kindest, most sincere way: Go fuck yourself.