Despite the hype and excitement leading up to his season of The Bachelor, Peter struggled with confusion, indecisiveness and lack of strength. If I could describe Peter’s season in one word: disaster. When the season started, I had high expectations that “Ben Higgins 2.0” would give us nothing more than a beautiful ending where he and his fiancée would take off in a plane toward a beautiful sunset. However, instead of a healthy, meaningful relationship, we saw a long series of miscommunication, drama, bad dates and poor decisions.

Now, I’ve never been the lead of a dating show. But I’ve been in a similar situation of getting down on one knee and proposing on national TV. It’s a decision in which knowing if it’s right with 100 percent certainty can feel impossible. But at the end of the day, it’s your decision to make. And I believe Peter entered into his position with the mindset that any decision might be better than no decision at all. This would end up being his own demise.

But what are you supposed to do, knowing you love a woman more than the other woman you’re about to propose to? Falling and being in love is sometimes out of our control, but the decision to propose is solely yours (and your partner’s choice to accept). This is exactly what we saw in the finale as Peter proposed to Hannah Ann, even though it was clear his heart and love were with Madi. True, it’s natural to love more than one person at once on this show, as we saw in Arie’s season. But that was the lesson for any lead moving forward in knowing that these confusing feelings shouldn’t lead to rash decisions that could end in regret, sooner rather than later.

Being in love on the show is very real, and all the concepts—relationships, commitment or even marriage—tend to overlap with each other when it comes time to make a decision. The environment puts you in a position of fixating on a concept instead of really focusing on the aftermath of these big decisions. But in the end, you have a decision, and sometimes it’s okay to say no.

With my own experience, I had no other love to choose from when I got down on one knee and proposed to Krystal. But I also had no influence on my decision-making, either. Producers left me alone for 24 straight hours after the fantasy suite. I prayed, meditated and dug into my soul to see if the feelings I felt were not only real, but that I felt strongly about a future with Krystal. This is a choice where I was aware of what I wanted, and I trusted and listened to only myself. However, I’m not sure the same can be said for Peter.

But I believe Peter’s choice stemmed from a series of wrong decisions throughout the season, not to mention the fear of his own mother. Indecisiveness is not only unattractive, but it can be self-destructive, as we saw this season. Even with limited information about the many women you’re dating, there comes a time to take control and do what’s best for you, not for others. This is where I believe Peter being too nice—and putting others’ best interests ahead of his own—hurt him more often than helped. You want to make producers and the people around you happy, but at some point, you would think that enough is enough, and I’m afraid Peter never came to this reality.

The curveballs we saw should’ve been the breaking point for Peter to take control of his own season. Here were some inital warning signs:

Hannah Brown:

We saw Peter’s ex Hannah Brown come into the fold early. This opened old wounds for him and messed with his psyche, but also affected the women as well. This move briefly disoriented Peter and temporarily shifted his feelings. Knowing the powerful effect of her presence should have been eye-opening for what was to come.

Alayah:

The women overpowered Peter and made the decision for him to send Alayah home, only to have the situation repeat itself when she came back the following week. Peter had all the control in the world here to keep her, if that’s what he wanted. That’s a move that would have reaffirmed the power by making a decision and standing by it.

Petty drama:

Peter should’ve pulled a Hannah Brown here, where she became so fed up with Luke P. drama that she made the men witness her wrath when she put an end to the nonsense. The men felt her strength, and Peter similarly could have taken a stand against the squabbles. Get angry—it’s okay to show that. Hell, it might’ve turned the women on even more.

Victoria F.:

First, there was Chase Rice, and then there was the mystery woman—known only as Peter’s ex—who gave Peter tea during hometowns. These surprises didn’t help things between Peter and Victoria, which in my opinion was the realest relationship of the season. The mystery woman coming out of nowhere to disrupt the relationship should’ve been the breaking point for Peter to jump the fence like Colton and call his own shots.

Peter’s very own mother, who became this season’s villain:

A possible explanation for Peter’s decisions were the reactions by his mother, Barb, who showed us a completely different side of herself during the final two episodes. Peter’s mom seems to have heavy influence on him, as he comes off as the nice guy and loving son who generally feels obliged to do what she says. Barb’s opinions not only affected Peter’s final decision, but I believe they changed the dynamic of what’s to come between Peter and Madi.

Barb expressed deeply that she didn’t want Madi to change Peter. Madi, who is more reserved and has a strong faith-based background, gave Barb red flags because Peter likes to go clubbing and drink. It was Hannah Ann or nothing for Barb, and at that point, Peter’s happiness and what he wanted seemed to recede into the distance for his mother.

Madison had been kind, gentle and in tune with her emotions for the majority of the entire season, while standing up for herself and her values when needed. Madi felt in her heart that going into the fantasy suite wasn’t right, and that’s okay because she made the decision for herself and no one else—Peter could learn a thing or two from this. But his family’s ensuing treatment of her became very difficult to watch. It seemed that Peter’s entire family hated Madison right when they heard about the fantasy-suite aftermath.

It was atrocious for Peter’s brother to say “We’ll have to look past the fact you guys didn’t go into the fantasy suite together.” It’s confusing that the family fixated on sex instead of Peter’s longterm goals and happiness. Then Barb continued to push her love for Hannah Ann down his throat, and it was a battle Peter wasn’t going to win.

The finale’s live-TV segments were filled with his family’s eye rolls and stern faces, along with the comment on national TV that Peter needs to fail to succeed. This is a family that showed nothing but bitterness, spite and zero support for their son. Plus, there was disrespect for Madison, who only wanted to love Peter despite all the heartbreak and the criticism she saw on TV. Madison’s family having to watch that and see such disapproval from Peter’s family makes me wonder if this relationship can actually last in the real world.

Family approval is big in relationships. I can say that family gatherings that included my relatives alongside Krystal’s played a huge role in the direction that our relationship would eventually head. And the need for a mother’s approval can cause a strain on both the son and daughter-in-law, or vice versa, if there are any negative feelings there. It’s okay to have opinions, but when loved ones are involved, sometimes it’s better to just respect and be happy for the decisions they make in their relationships.

Mama Randone, thank you for always being supportive and allowing me to make my own decisions, while showing love and compassion regardless.

In the end, I believe Hannah Ann said it best: “If you want to be with a woman, you need to become a real man.” If Madison and Peter have any shot of working in the real world, Peter needs to follow his own heart and do what Peter wants to do for Peter.

Christopher Randone competed for Becca Kufrin’s love on The Bachelorette season 14. He tied the knot with Krystal Nielson last summer on Bachelor in Paradise season 6.