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Colleges in the Southeastern Conference (SEC) may be known for their charming campuses, top-tier football programs, and robust Greek life, but there’s one more accolade they can add to their proverbial resumes: average men outkicking their dating coverage. This niche phenomenon, dubbed the “SEC couple theory,” has become as engrained in the college culture as tailgates and bid day.
For the uninitiated, the viral social media trend — also called “shrekking” — pokes fun at a cultural stereotype in which gorgeous, well-dressed sorority women date below-average-looking men, often depicted as overweight, frumpy dudes with unkempt hair and a basic frat boy getup (think: polo shirt, khaki shorts). The humor comes from the exaggerated contrast or “hotness gap” between the two people (not to be confused with a swag gap), with captions like “average SEC couple” implying that the pairing is especially prevalent around universities in the SEC.
One TikTok video, shared by singer Marcus King’s wife, Briley King, with the text “average SEC couple” over it, has racked up over 11 million views—and she’s clearly poking fun at the perceived hotness gap between her and her husband. “This needs to be studied,” reads one comment, while another says, “best charity work I’ve seen.” Another TikTok video, documenting a string of couples, attracted more than 3 million viewers. One commenter says, “you can do anything as long as you’re rich” and another says, “I never want to hear ‘nice guys finish last’ again.”
Though this trend has been popping up all over TikTok recently, it’s been going on for years at SEC schools. According to Beth* (not her real name), a 31-year-old alumna and former sorority member at the University of Alabama, “I can easily think of five friends off the top of my head who dated ugly guys in college.”
Maggie*, 33, says she deliberately dated men who weren’t attractive during her time at the University of South Carolina—though she didn’t exactly reap the supposed benefits. “I thought it was ‘safer’ and that if you date down, they can’t hurt you, but they definitely still can—and did.”
Is it simply that college women are afraid of getting played, so they date someone less attractive in the hopes of being treated better? Or is there something psychologically deeper at play here? Florida-based Licensed Mental Health Counselor Elena Sledge, owner of Awaken Therapy, notes this is actually a common dating pattern. “Generally, women value stability and security in romantic relationships, whereas men tend to value variety, excitement and newness,” she says. Sledge acknowledges that this dating-down phenomenon is confusing to many, but believes that, at least initially, “men often pick partners based on appearances.” She notes, “The hottest guy at the frat party may not be the type to hold down a job and pay the mortgage on time. Women want to know that they will be taken care of.”
Izzy*, 20, a student at Auburn University, says she’s dated down in the past—and she’d do it again. “I would rather be with someone who treats me well but isn’t as good looking than have someone who doesn’t treat me well but has good looks,” she says. Instead of surface-level attraction, she says she prioritizes a partner who “makes her feel valued, supported, and respected.”
Bria*, a 19-year-old student at Auburn University, says she doesn’t think most women in her circle pay attention to the way a guy looks if he’s a “good guy.” I think, especially in the SEC, that if a guy has humor and a solid personality, it’s just as good as a guy who’s really attractive,” she says. “All that matters is if they treat [their partner] right.” (It’s a bonus, she adds, if he loves Jesus.)
The ladies seem to agree, but the men of the SEC are calling bullshit. Brad*, a 35-year-old alumnus of the University of Mississippi, says that women in the SEC not only notice the hotness gap—but they also use it to their advantage. He says during his time at Ole Miss, “You would see a woman that men used to go to war for walking hand-in-hand with a guy in a pocket tee, jeans with a Skoal ring outline, and the body of a Belushi brother.” He adds, “You’d see girls in The Grove who had clearly been crying and the guys that broke their heart—that they’re pining to get back with—look like any tech sales bro or portly fracking equipment dealer you wouldn’t normally take a second look at.”
His theory for why these women are A-OK dating down? They’re playing the long game. “It was less about looks and more about ‘which fraternity guy can allow me to stay at home in Lululemons one day because his dad is a shipping logistics magnate from the coast?’” He adds that Greek life had a “hierarchy of fraternities and sororities” and “if you were in a ‘good fraternity’ and drove a newer Tahoe, you had as much of a pick of partners as a hard 10 in one of the sororities.”
Maggie* says that growing up in the South in the ’90s, many girls were taught to go to college “to find their husbands—or get their MRS degrees, as it was called.” She was quick to add that Southern women are not desperate to find a partner, but when they do, looks aren’t always a top priority: “Girls are more willing to settle for the six who treats them like a queen than the 10 who treats them like garbage.”
Whether the “SEC couple theory” is real or just a viral exaggeration probably depends on who you ask. Many students and social media users claim the hotness gap is hilarious and impossible to ignore, while others believe that respect, kindness, humor, and compatibility trump looks in a romantic relationship every time. The internet may have made a meme out of this phenomenon, but like most trends, it flattens a much more complex reality—one where attraction is subjective, relationships are nuanced, and sometimes the average guys really do just have great game.